Going out to Ugly.

A mere month ago, Tampere’s finest made its debut in Helsinki. Bigger, louder and lairier, Ruma-klubi took up residence in Helsinki nightlife’s central spot on Mannerheimintie. For a club known for its ambitious attempts at retaining the non-mainstream vibe that made it a favourite with anyone slightly left of centre, holding court at a venue that previously housed such meat markets as Den Kungliga Klubben and Opera is a bold move. Especially if your goal is to change more than the sign above the door.

Always on the lookout for some welcome disruption to Helsinki nightlife, I was curious to see what this newcomer had to offer. I first visited the place with some friends on a quiet weeknight after the club’s opening weekend. In terms of location and venue, the place isn’t far from ideal. The dance floor (yes, there is one. Bonus.) is centrally located and big enough to accommodate a fair-sized group of shameless drunkards thrashing about, and there’s enough seating space for you to usually find somewhere to rest your dance-wearied feet.

In addition to nice space, I like what they’ve done with the interior of the place; a row of porcelain toilets on display greet you at the coat check; you pass the framed, black and white cavalcade of Finnish presidents on your way to the bathrooms; and you sit on upholstered plastic beer crates. Wunderbaum air-fresheners grace the walls and the glass bar counters sport cracks made on purpose.

Another tongue-in-cheek feature is the smoking room, which is wallpapered with blown-up warnings from cigarette packs and images of filthy lungs. Despite that, it's always packed. Counterintuitive, but true. A special mention goes out to the ladies’ toilets as well; the insides of cubicle doors are plastered with gay porn magazine cut outs. Man-on-man gay porn. Being visually harassed by dozens of dreamily smiling dudes with gigantic hard-ons is harrowing when you’re trying to pee. I wasn’t surprised to find “what about porn for us lesbians?’ scribbled on the door on my next visit.

My first visit to Ruma was good for getting a sense of the place, and I was rather impressed with everything apart from perhaps the clientele, which seemed to consist largely of kids on the brink of their twenties. This notion was on the whole confirmed on visits number two and three, which took place during following weekends. It seems Ruma has found its psychographic pretty fast, judging from the way the club has been packed for the past couple of weekends. Strangely, it seems as if said demographic is made up of pretty much the same kids that frequented the meat markets previously occupying the venue. Maybe instead of anti-mainstream the club-goers at Ruma are representative of all-stream? Or perhaps this is once again an example of how anti-mainstream became the new mainstream. But hell, when a beer costs less than three euros, who can complain, even if it is watered down. 

Ruma Helsinki, Mannerheimintie 6 00100 Helsinki

Eat and be cultured.

Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day, which is why i wholeheartedly endorse its lengthier, more luxurious big brother, brunch. A haggard looking bunch of last night's drunken heroes can easily find a more enticing hangover breakfast than the scraps of that falafel bought at 4 am at one of the growing number of spots in Helsinki that offer weekend brunch buffets. This particular Saturday, the bunch was looking less haggard and more towards the theatre adaptation of The Jungle Book that they were attending after eating, so it was a slight dent to the happy mood when we made our way down Uudenmaankatu to find that Belly, one of the best and most decently priced brunching venues, was closed. Undeterred, we decided to head to Ekberg on Bulevardi, which serves an allegedly scrumptious brunch. Turns out it's pretty pricey, too. At 18 euros per person we turn it down and decide to continue our food forage. Fanny Goes to Hollywood by Koff park has a brilliant brunch (good teas, tapas-like dishes and croissants) but is out of the question as it only opens at 11. We consider Cafe Engel, but it entails a long walk for which we're too hungry and cold. Deciding to find somewhere closer, we walk down Albertinkatu towards Tori, which, to our mounting disappointment, is closed. 

And then, like a strike of genius, someone remembers that Primula serves brunch, which none of us have ever sampled. A stone's throw down the road, we cross our fingers and hope for the best. To our relief, we find the restaurant is open and brunch is served from ten to two in the afternoon, and is priced at a very decent 10 euros. Brunch isn't brunch unless it involves sparkling wine, and at Primula a flute of bubbly will set you back 2 euros, which makes refusing alcohol with your breakfast impossible. 

At 10.30 on Saturday, the restaurant hasn't filled up yet, and the calm is a nice contrast to the buzzing cacophony that fills Belly at brunch time. We station our bags, coats and glasses at a table by the window and head for the food. Breakfast buffets can sometimes be the downfall of a vegetarian, not to mention a vegan; sausages, scrambled eggs and bacon are a staple of hotel breakfasts that seem to make their way into every buffet, everywhere. Breakfast at Primula was no different. What was refreshingly different, though, was the variety and quality of the veggie-friendly food. From olives, marinated zucchini strips and mushrooms to three different kinds of breads (and tapenade!), to potato wedges and little donuts to fresh fruit, this breakfast is a winner in my books. We spent the best part of two hours enjoying it, and in the midst of eating decided we wouldn't tell anyone else we found the best brunch in Helsinki. This is me not telling.


After eating we headed to Kansallisteatteri for Jungle Book. Half a dozen happy free-ticket sporting friends (and one whose suit-wearing habit had resulted in him mistakenly being charged for his) file into the theatre, ready to see some Kipling on stage. 
In this adaptation, the jungle is a dystopian Helsinki, and the animals that inhabit it are portrayed in a way that sharply contradicts the original; Baloo the bear speaks russian and resembles a motorcycle gang member, and the black panther Bagheera is a drag queen with the skinniest, longest legs, highest heels and biggest headpieces. Mowgli, the only human featured, is played by 29-year-old woman, and the monkeys (by far the best and most annoying characters) are something between teen goths and cosplayers with a serious case of ADHD. The plot and message remain the same, and it's interesting to see how the story is updated to reflect contemporary society (like when Shere Khan the tiger yells "i'll kill humans to extinction" at the audience"). Old message, new setting, updated characters. Lots of laughs. And it was free, too. Go see it, and should you be a student in a suit, make sure to tell them it doesn't mean you aren't a kid.

Friday in Pictures

I spent Thursday night riding the number three tram around Helsinki. So did an estimated trillion other students (okay, i'm not a student anymore, but studying abroad has meant that i've been excluded from this novelty... Up until now!). The reason for this intoxicant-saturated mass commute was, of course, the infamous III-kierros. The demon child of a marriage between a pub crawl and sightseeing tour,  the beer rally's goal, according to the organizers, is to get furiously wasted. I'm pretty sure all parties involved accomplished this. Since what happens after eleven drinks at eleven different bars is hardly difficult to guess, i'll impart no further details. Simply put, there was too much of this:

Luckily, i'm hardly at a loss when it comes to hangover cures. My remedy of choice this morning was this: An ice-cold strawberry smoothie with goji berries, flaxseed, cranberry juice and crushed ice (beats hair of the dog hands down!). After recovering from a serious case of rapid smoothie consumption-induced brain freeze and listening to some old school Atreyu (at least i'm not lying and claiming it was something cooler), i decided to venture out. There's this cool festival going on in Helsinki next week, called Lokaviikot. Catering to the under 25s of Helsinki, workshops, film screenings and free theatre tickets are all part of the game. Personally, i was after the theatre tickets; the thirty euros i save in scoring free theatre tickets can go towards remedying the deficit in my personal budget due to last night. It all works out. I'm really looking forward to seeing the cyberpunkish-vibed adaptation of Rudyard Kipling's Jungle Book, and the kind people of Kansallisteatteri were happy to provide me with tickets.  


Feeling pretty good with tickets in hand, i decided to head to Hakaniemi and have a look around the market. I really like the atmosphere on a Friday; the market is packed with people going around stalls picking up good stuff for the weekend. It kinda reminds me of the market outside my building in Paris. On my walk back home, i stopped by the Botanical Garden in Kaisaniemi. The old school glass greenhouses always impress me. I didn't go inside, but instead sat around on a bench thinking about the giant water lilies that i remember seeing there when i last visited. Got distracted when i realized a creepy dude was staring at me from behind a giant oak and decided it was time to move on.

I made one more stop on my way home, at Akateeminen, and was happy to find a Vintage Tattoo book on sale. Some cool pics i think i might add to the ever-growing desktop folder called 'just get the damn tattoo already'. Absolutely starving and dead tired at this point (even the super smoothie cannot cure everything, sadly) i wreaked havoc in the kitchen, frantically throwing together some halloumi, hummous, toast, shrooms, tomatoes and tabasco, and it came out looking like this. Fries and a big sandwich can do a world of good. 

What really made my Friday, though, was the dessert i picked up at the market. Big fan of the perunaleivos. Nom nom. Best postprandial stupor ever.

Thursday's head start.

Since i'm currently not up to my eyeballs in a work project that threatens to take over my life and free time, i find that Thursday is a perfectly acceptable day for kicking off the weekend. Fortunately, i have friends who seem to agree. And so on Thursday evening i found myself biking through wickedly cold streets towards the blaring music and jovial ruckus of Helatorstai-klubi at Henry's pub. These Thursday nights are becoming a favorite of mine, and for good reason. Entrance is free, and the coat check is operated on a 'pay if you feel like it' basis. Beer and cider will only set you back 3.5 euros a pint, which is good news for students, cheapskates and those who can spare time from their work projects to indulge in a pint or several.


While all of the above make for a good night, it's the bands that really kick ass. Clambering on to the corner stage in their high heels, pearls and dinky hats (bar from Jay Maggis, the gangster on base), Gun Molls and Gangsters play punk rock that both sounds and looks good. I for one would like to see more ladies in vintage frocks and perfect 50s up do's playing guitar on tables. 


Taking the stage after the rocking villains was the Atom Notes. The five man band looked as if it might rock right off the tiny stage due to the enthusiastic showmanship of its three guitarists. Nothing wrong with that, and hell, the punk 'n' roll is good. No surprise there, as the band features members from the likes of Manifesto Jukebox, Endstand, Last Calls, Abduktio, Deathbed and Cold Call. This could become a regular weekend starter for me, regardless of future work-to-eyeball ratio.